Let’s talk about what a relationship actually is, since the majority of people blindly want, crave and chase the idea of having a relationship and yet, very few actually understand some essential points about what a relationship is…
A relationship is not a possession, like a stone or a purse or a car. A relationship is not a thing at all. A relationship is simply the interaction you’re having with that person as it’s happening and the general, overall tone of your interactions.
A relationship simply is.
Society doesn’t see relationships this way, for the most part. Our society tries to make relationships into a thing – a thing that can be worked on, fixed or broken. Lost or gained. Had or not had.
Relationships are living and experienced in-the-moment, like music.
A song is a song as it’s playing. If it’s sitting on your MP3 player and you’re not playing it, then it is simply data. You can say you have the song or own it, but saying you have a song on your iPod has nothing to do with your experience of the song as it’s playing.
I don’t care if you have a million songs on your iPod. If you’re not listening to the music, you’re not experiencing music.
Yes, I realize I’m speaking in metaphors, so let me tie this up: I don’t care if you have a relationship. I don’t care if you have a title like “boyfriend” or “husband” for your guy. The title is not the relationship. Your having of them is not your relationship – it is simply a thought in your head, completely irrelevant to the on-going music of your relationship.
So if the “music” of your relationship is a bitter, hateful ballad of pain and inner suffering… you need to change your tune, so to speak.