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Silas Nyanchwani
50 Memos to Men by Silas Nyanchwani (...
Nyanchwani, now a crusty curmudgeon at heart, has a lot to say about men and their single, biggest source of pain: relationships. In this collection of memos, he unpacks some of the issues that trouble Kenyan men like no one has done in recent times. The memos were previously published on his Facebook page, dutifully at 4 a.m. every Monday. No, all 50 of them and some bonus material appear in this volume. He hopes the memos can rescue men from the slippery slope of dealing with modern life, money, friends, and women.
On the right time to marry...
Never ever marry on your first gig. That ends in golden, premium, platinum, ocean of tears.
On Office Boyfriends
What we know about office relationships is that 90 percent of them will collapse within a month if the two cheating colleagues ended up together after wrecking their marriages.
On the Myth of Female Innocence
Women are responsible for some bad things that happen to them. But someone has to take the blame. Don't be the man who cleans their mess.
On the Friendzone
The friendzone is the apartment near a river full of sewage. Or one in Umoja near a church with faulty speakers on a hangovered Sunday morning. It is like sitting next to a stinky urinal in a restaurant. Get out.
On Single Mothers...
Before you marry her, know why the other ninja left. Because that is the same reason she is going to dump your ass.
For Men in the Diaspora
Don't come back to search for a wife from your village with the hopes that she will stick with you once she arrives in the US: Hypergamy doesn't work that way. She will want more, she will want better, and no matter how hard you work, you can't keep up.
The Church and The Simps It Made
Hypergamy is incompatible with monogamy and fidelity. The church can no more force a woman to submit than it can force an alpha male into unconditional monogamy. Fair enough.
Man About Town by Silas Nyanchwani
Largely unemployed for the last so many years, Nyanchwani becomes a low-budget gadabout, loitering in Nairobi with intent.
Like a fly on the wall, he is in your neighbourhood, in nightclubs, in the street, everywhere, constantly observing the human angst, complexities, and contradictions. In a club, he can't dance, so he is the voyeur winking at your skimpily dressed girl. When he sees a couple on a night out, he is morbidly curious: is the relationship starting? Is it in that phase where couples are bored with each other? Or is he about to lose her to a man with a bigger car or cock? He observes all these and then makes his judgment which he serves in this book, Man About Town.
In this unflinchingly raw, uncut, and largely uncomfortable book, he tells us among other things:
-A hot female lawyer with questionable standards (drinks only chilled wine) but sells low-quality boxers as a side-gig.
-His best piece of female clothing (and it is not a thong or a negligee).
-The disgusting and vulgar aftertaste of being dumped on a Saturday morning, on your way to meet her.
-On dating younger women: Why he wants to sue young women he has dated who have taken advantage of his senility.
-Inevitably he argues, "a woman has a right to choose what to wear but can never dictate how men will interpret her dressing."
-And of course, he journeys in a bus to expose the indignities Nairobians endure when hawkers sell them deworming and urinary tract cleaning tablets.
Wicked, in and out, honest, annoyingly funny, and sad, Man About Town is a mirror for Nairobians to look at themselves, and Nyanchwani doubts if many will like what they see. But does he care? Yes, he cares and that is why he wants this book to be strictly for his fans and people familiar with his writing. Treat this book as barroom banter with him after the fifth beer.
Sexorcised by Silas Nyanchwani
Bruce Momanyi is a 41-year-old man on a good run: great job, huge perks, and an outwardly enviable Kenyan upper-middle-class family. However, one fatal trip to Facebook pokes holes in his illusion of a neat and well-organized family; there is a ghost in his closet, and it is big.
Quick, thick, and fast, his life and that of his family take unpredictable forms. For him, it is disillusionment, pain, and sex that punctuate his next phase of life as he ventures into an incessant search for healing and love until he finds love again in a hot 22-year-old who drowns him in love.
Reviews
Sexorcised is Nyanchwani at his salacious best as a storyteller, serving a side salad of a story that sticks to one like a delicious sin.
Tony Mochama, Author, 2063: Last Mile Bet, columnist at The Standard.
Sexorcised is the mountain where love dies Where lovers come to heal, and we all come home to ourselves
Wounded. Cut. Broken. Dead. Pierced together. Alive. Home.
CulturedPaws, Kenyan poet.
Maan! This book is lit. I have sat up, keeled over, laughed, fallen off the sofa, and even choked on tea reading this book...There is humour. Social commentary and recasting of street wisdom in the pages. Great stuff.
George Ogutu, Editor, The Nation
Silas Nyanchwani was born in Kibera, Nairobi, Kenya. He has worked as a journalist and writer for The Standard Group (Kenya). Previously, his travelogue and short fiction were published in The East African, and The Millenium Post (New Delhi, India) among other publications. He holds an MS in Journalism from Columbia University's Graduate School of Journalism (New York) and a BA in Literature from the University of Nairobi. He lives in the South-Eastern part of Nairobi with his two dogs. He is said to be the tallest African writer. This is his debut novel.
50 Memos To Men by Silas Nyanchwani (...
50 MEMOS TO MEN (Vol.II)
Our crusty curmudgeon is back with a second installment of 50 Memos to Men. Like any other man, he is still preoccupied with the biggest source of pain for men: relationships. In this edition, he builds on the previous memos, but goes harder on men, reminding them they have a sole responsibility to save themselves from failure. Within these pages, he unpacks some thorny subjects like:
Why Your Wife Suers From Buyer’s Remorse Around Age 28-35
The precursor to buyer’s remorse in marriage is always the girl picking a man to full a certain desperate but temporary economic need or the race to beat the
biological clock. Buyer’s remorse is the woman’s self-correction mechanism before she cheats on you, dumps you, and eventually divorces you.
What Men in Uniform Get Wrong About Women. The police produce the highest number of cucks per capita than any demographic
of men. They are used to giving people orders which distorts their view of the dating field. They learn too late that you can’t order women around anymore.
To Know a Woman or To Love Her: That Is The Question
You can only know or love a woman at a time. Never both. Better to know a woman than to love her. Actually, love them in your teens and early 20s, then
learn them before you hit 30 years.
To Older Men Who Marry Younger Women.
Nature is unkind to men who make decisions out of foolish romantic aspirations. The very things that make such a marriage perfect, the man’s money and the
woman’s youthfulness, are the very things that wreck it later.
Don't Marry a Slay Queen.
A reformed slay queen will never have empathy: She will subject you to so many shit tests. She is neither worth your efforts nor your love. She will demand more
and more until you drop dead. The worst part is that once she drains you, she will abandon you and you will be a shell of your former self. She will move on with
Birthday Breakup and Other Stories By...
Ø A young commercial sex worker keeps older men on a rota, each of whom unwittingly believes that he is the only one. Then her cover is blown.
Ø A young man is treated to an exciting 25th birthday before he is dumped in the evening. He has other ideas.
Ø A Kenyan in America cancels his wedding at the last minute in a dramatic fashion of sweet revenge.
Ø A lecherous university professor sleeps with his student crush. Then he makes an unsettling discovery.
Ø A broke college graduate bets Ksh 100,000 with a richer friend to take a TV star out on a date but jealousy gets in the way.
Ø A boss and a junior employee sneak their female colleague for a Valentine’s Day vacation but end up staying in the same hotel. Blackmail ensues, with disastrous consequences.
Prior to writing his best-selling novel, Sexorcised, Nyanchwani experimented with short stories, some of which were published in The East African. This collection is a compilation of his early writing full of potential, displaying his roaming and roving eyes at work. This anthology hints at the sardonic humour that would eventually characterize his writing.
Silas Nyanchwani is the author of several books, including Sexorcised, 50 Memos to Men, and Man About Town. When he is not writing "Memos to Men," he walks his dogs around Kitengela. He still claims to be Africa's tallest writer. He is a graduate of Columbia University and the University of Nairobi.Â
