Nyanchwani, now a crusty curmudgeon at heart, has a lot to say about men and their single, biggest source of pain: relationships. In this collection of memos, he unpacks some of the issues that trouble Kenyan men like no one has done in recent times. The memos were previously published on his Facebook page, dutifully at 4 a.m. every Monday. No, all 50 of them and some bonus material appear in this volume. He hopes the memos can rescue men from the slippery slope of dealing with modern life, money, friends, and women.
On the right time to marry…
Never ever marry on your first gig. That ends in golden, premium, platinum, ocean of tears.
On Office Boyfriends
What we know about office relationships is that 90 percent of them will collapse within a month if the two cheating colleagues ended up together after wrecking their marriages.
On the Myth of Female Innocence
Women are responsible for some bad things that happen to them. But someone has to take the blame. Don’t be the man who cleans their mess.
On the Friendzone
The friendzone is the apartment near a river full of sewage. Or one in Umoja near a church with faulty speakers on a hangovered Sunday morning. It is like sitting next to a stinky urinal in a restaurant. Get out.
On Single Mothers…
Before you marry her, know why the other ninja left. Because that is the same reason she is going to dump your ass.
For Men in the Diaspora
Don’t come back to search for a wife from your village with the hopes that she will stick with you once she arrives in the US: Hypergamy doesn’t work that way. She will want more, she will want better, and no matter how hard you work, you can’t keep up.
The Church and The Simps It Made
Hypergamy is incompatible with monogamy and fidelity. The church can no more force a woman to submit than it can force an alpha male into unconditional monogamy. Fair enough.